Take It All Off

After a long hard day of farming, I came home covered in dirt and sweat. I did a few things around the yard and eventually made my way inside for a necessary shower. Fresh and relaxed, I threw on some comfy clothes to enjoy the rest of my evening. As I sat here creating a playlist of music, I kept catching a musty waft from somewhere. It only took me a few minutes, but I realized it was my sweatshirt that stank.

Nobody loves it when they take a refreshing shower only to follow it up by drying off with a musty towel. That's exactly what this sweatshirt reminded me of, too. It was so terrible I took it off in a panic. It's musty essence had permeated my nostrils and just hung out in my nose, seemingly forever. For some reason this prompted me to take off everything else I was wearing too. I'm guessing I was afraid the mustiness would latch onto my other clothes.
Well so, that brings us to right now. Here I'm sitting, listening to music, typing on my computer, with a beautiful view of the lake and I'm stark fucking naked. That's right, I'm not wearing one single article of clothing. The sun is still shining, neighbors are floating by on their boats, stray dogs are chasing frogs along the shoreline and I'm just observing it all... casually nude. In all honesty, it feels glorious.

When did we get so offended by nudity? We actually put people in jail and label them as "sex offenders", due to a complete lack of clothing. Doesn't that just seem ridiculous?? Everything we experience in life happens from inside of our bodies. It is the vessel that literally contains LIFE, come on people!! What the hell are we doing?!?
Alright, so we can't be a nude human in front of other humans. That causes all sorts of anxiety and unnecessary feelings of inappropriateness, in itself. This leaves us with having to cover our bodies on a regular basis. Thus creating the same stupid emotions on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. In addition to those feelings, we now spend the bulk of our lives hiding from our own bodies under clothes that we feel insecure about. We forget what makes us beautifully human and this greatly limits our chances of being comfortable in our own skin.

Instead of slipping into something more comfortable, when you get home, take off everything. Then go ahead and slip into a glass of wine, a good book or your favorite show. Take back the confidence you were born with and embrace the outfit you've always been destined to wear. Just be careful of cooking bacon, grilling out, fishing, building a fire, drinking hot coffee and sharting. There are definitely some severe consequences to doing any of those things in the nude. Regardless, just rock what you've got... and rock the fuck out of it... you deserve it!!

Scotty J. ~ I'm definitely not wearing any pants.  

Mid-Winter Break - A Rather Forward Reminder

 Needless to say, we've had a harsh winter in West Michigan this year. School closings, canceled events, tragedy-causing road conditions and sub-zero temperatures have been affecting regular everyday life as we know it. My Facebook feed has never been uglier with negative comments about our beautiful home. Let's try to get past that, my friends, and take a look at the bigger picture.

Embrace it, don't hate it!

   I drove a plow truck for a handful of years; claiming that I hated the snow and loved getting it out of peoples' way. Today when I look back on my snow-plowing years... I realize that it wasn't "hate" for the snow that kept me out there, but the adventure Mother Nature had waiting for me. I braved countless storms, helped stranded motorists and cleared a path for the "worker-bees" of my community. Ahhhhhhhh... what a refreshing and grand perspective. The winter of 2014 (alone) has offered an array of valuable life-lessons for me to not even dare continue hating something of which I have no control. 

   Mother Nature has done an incredible job of breaking up the monotony of our daily lives this winter. She proved that, no matter how much we try to defy her, SHE is in charge. She does not care about what time we have to be at our cubicles, when our next deadline is coming or catching flak from someone generically named "Management". Simply put, none of those things are natural. All we do when we complain about these things is prove that humans are capable of being much colder than the weather itself. We deserve to get snowed-in, we deserve an occasional leak in the roof and we deserve feeling helpless about it all. Many of us are desensitized from a true connection with the outside world. The fantasy that we are above all other things on this planet has been shattered by Mother Nature this winter... and it's fucking gorgeous.

"I hope you take the road less traveled and I hope you find the courage to grow." - Rebelution

   Last week I made a Facebook post that asked, "If you could take Mother Nature on a date, what would the two of you do?". The replies were adventurous, loving, honest, humorous, sexual, violent and some even sought forgiveness. I'd say the reply that made me smile the most was, "I would snow plow through her pillowy mounds and then travel south to hit golf clubs off of her well manicured fairway.", because who doesn't love a good sexual innuendo??

   If it were me, I would grab her by the hand and thank her for The Great Lakes. Together we would forage the land for the freshest bounty, head to the beach and prepare it over an open fire. She would teach me about Earth's mortality and I would write her a poem. We would spend the rest of the night laying in the sand, counting the shimmering stars overhead and letting our dreams dance together. When the early morning sun breaks over the horizon; I would gently touch her face and kiss her with passion. Our actions would speak louder than words and at that moment... I would be one with Mother Nature. Intimate, I know.

   Intimacy is a close, familiar, affectionate personal relationship. We owe that to Mother Nature - every moment of everyday. In actuality, her heart revolves around the sun and her spirit is moved by the moon. We can see it in the tides, taste it in our gardens and feel it in the air. Instead, we're too busy blaming her for our misfortunes. This is all due to a lack of intimacy with the outdoors. She doesn't blame us for being human, come on now!!

   Every season has pros and cons, but if we focus on the latter we are only conning ourselves. Here is my response to all of those shitty Facebook posts... Teachers - enough of being bitter about having to work into your summer. Be grateful that your students and co-workers are safe and sound on snow days. Snow Removal Specialists - you signed up for this, accept the glory of winter. Road Ragers - you deserve to be in the ditch. Think about the safety of your friends and family before you ride our asses and cause legitimate danger. Fake Winter Enthusiasts - you waste our lives twice by saying (in the late fall) you can't wait to hit the slopes, but when the snow actually comes you say you're "over-it". Let me be the first to correct you assholes... you're "under-it" and you probably always will be too.

   It has taken me twenty West Michigan winters to finally gain this perspective. The snow was always a love-hate relationship over those years. Now, I know in my heart that I love it here and to "hate" over being inconvenienced by something, is a waste of life. Those of you who really can't stand dealing with the snow, move. You can do it, I believe in you. I would think that's much easier than spreading hate for a few months out of the year anyway. 

   Mother Nature challenges us everyday to be better human-beings and that's because she is the boss. Every time we complain about her, we fail this challenge, we fail our fellow humans and we fail ourselves. Love her, respect her, praise her and only expect her to be unpredictable. Everything we know is because of her. She makes life, in itself, possible. One last thing... Shout-out to all of those true Winter Warriors carrying the torch out there. Your passion lights the way for the rest of us, thank you so much for leading by example!

That's a Winter Wrecking Crew right there!

Scotty J ~

"If I really wanted to stick my dick in Mother Nature, it's simple. I'd just take off my pants and walk outside."

Frozen or thawed, Lake Michigan always makes me smile. (PHOTO CREDIT: Clark Jansen - Holland, MI)