Days To Come

I have been noticing a lot of divorces and break-ups lately. These tend to be rough moments in our lives when we do silly things like make cryptic Facebook posts, have pity parties for ourselves and talk out of our asses way more than normal. Love is a tricky emotion because when it fails, it's counterpart is hate. It's hard to let go of something that had us emotionally invested, we carry-on with the hate when the love is gone. In most cases we feel like we lived for this person and without them, we are nobody. Our lack of identity leaves us feeling empty, hollow and lost. I know...I know... break-ups fucking suck, so here's a little unsolicited advice from a fellow survivor...

Don't hate them for this.

Live through it, to the best of your abilities. Be wounded and vulnerable. Try your very best to not project these emotions, but rather experience them. Learn and let your soul grow. It's not about recovering the person you once were, but living as the person you are today. I assure you it's not selfish to focus on yourself, especially at a time when you need it most. Explore the darkness.
Leave your pride in the burning wreckage of your relationship and be humbled. The world will always be yours even when you're not sharing it with someone else. Admire the little things, always. A perfect cup of coffee, a flourishing herb garden, the sound of rain on a tin roof, the aroma of fresh-baked banana bread, puppies, hugs, sunsets, good music and holding the door open for a stranger are among the countless "little things" that truly deserve your attention.
You must embrace your lows as much as you celebrate your highs. These positive and negative experiences are the foundation to how you relate to other human beings. Minimize your social life during the low moments because the energy you transfer to friends and loved ones will eventually become toxic. Forgive yourself for detaching and know that it's for the sake of preservation. Genuine friends will understand this much better (rather than dumb drunken tirades about your ex-lover...), trust me.
In fact, getting drunk while emotionally bottomed-out is extremely counterproductive. There is no sense in feeling depressed and attempting to drown it with a depressant. This can easily push good people out of your life, but for some reason the booze won't let you see that. You actually have the drunken nerve to resent them for keeping their distance. Find a way to appreciate the space they've given you to explore yourself. Remember, nobody else can make you feel better more than yourself!!
If you focus only on the fact that your pride is broken, your heart will never heal. Don't worry about what you did or didn't deserve in your last relationship, it's over. One of the greatest feelings in the world is falling in love. You haven't realized it yet, but you get this fucking amazing opportunity to feel those highs again. Maybe with someone who feels them the same way you do (even if they aren't the person you're going to grow with for the rest of your life.). Let the love you share teach you about yourself, fulfill your life and shine the light on your destiny.

Love unfiltered.

 
One thing is for certain, the love we share is the best part of who we all are.

Scotty J ~ Spread the Love Butter!!
                                                                                                                                                                   

Take It All Off

After a long hard day of farming, I came home covered in dirt and sweat. I did a few things around the yard and eventually made my way inside for a necessary shower. Fresh and relaxed, I threw on some comfy clothes to enjoy the rest of my evening. As I sat here creating a playlist of music, I kept catching a musty waft from somewhere. It only took me a few minutes, but I realized it was my sweatshirt that stank.

Nobody loves it when they take a refreshing shower only to follow it up by drying off with a musty towel. That's exactly what this sweatshirt reminded me of, too. It was so terrible I took it off in a panic. It's musty essence had permeated my nostrils and just hung out in my nose, seemingly forever. For some reason this prompted me to take off everything else I was wearing too. I'm guessing I was afraid the mustiness would latch onto my other clothes.
Well so, that brings us to right now. Here I'm sitting, listening to music, typing on my computer, with a beautiful view of the lake and I'm stark fucking naked. That's right, I'm not wearing one single article of clothing. The sun is still shining, neighbors are floating by on their boats, stray dogs are chasing frogs along the shoreline and I'm just observing it all... casually nude. In all honesty, it feels glorious.

When did we get so offended by nudity? We actually put people in jail and label them as "sex offenders", due to a complete lack of clothing. Doesn't that just seem ridiculous?? Everything we experience in life happens from inside of our bodies. It is the vessel that literally contains LIFE, come on people!! What the hell are we doing?!?
Alright, so we can't be a nude human in front of other humans. That causes all sorts of anxiety and unnecessary feelings of inappropriateness, in itself. This leaves us with having to cover our bodies on a regular basis. Thus creating the same stupid emotions on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. In addition to those feelings, we now spend the bulk of our lives hiding from our own bodies under clothes that we feel insecure about. We forget what makes us beautifully human and this greatly limits our chances of being comfortable in our own skin.

Instead of slipping into something more comfortable, when you get home, take off everything. Then go ahead and slip into a glass of wine, a good book or your favorite show. Take back the confidence you were born with and embrace the outfit you've always been destined to wear. Just be careful of cooking bacon, grilling out, fishing, building a fire, drinking hot coffee and sharting. There are definitely some severe consequences to doing any of those things in the nude. Regardless, just rock what you've got... and rock the fuck out of it... you deserve it!!

Scotty J. ~ I'm definitely not wearing any pants.  

WE ARE VERY LUCKY

   I rose up out of my slumber this morning to an email from a very close friend. The subject line was blank and in it he simply wrote, "This changed me for the better. Check it out.", with a link to this awesome video (please watch before proceeding):

   That was, without a doubt, extremely fucking powerful. Asher Roth is a hip-hop artist out of Philly sharing this incredible message - WE ARE VERY LUCKY. We walk around this modern world and tend to forget this. We forget to feel the breath in our lungs and the hearts in our chests; we forget to feel alive; and we forget about everyone else who forgets about this too. Our everyday struggles are so small compared to the fact that we actually HAVE the life itself, to live each day. Like the song says though, "Someone's always caught up in the fast life.".
   My friend who sent me this faces that challenge regularly. He's a true family man. His gorgeous wife loves him unconditionally and the two of them have the absolute best behaved children on the planet. Everyone that comes into their home gets treated like family because they simply wouldn't have it any other way. However, something deep rooted in his past (well before starting his own family) haunts him every moment of everyday.
   Once his family gets to bed, he's left alone with his guilty conscience. He loses himself in the darkness, suppressing it with booze and cocaine. As the night turns to dawn; his guilt becomes regret and his self-value drops through the floor. It's followed up with a wicked hangover and severe anxiety for a couple of days. THIS is being caught up in the fast life. It has been going on for years now and he's finally reached a breaking point.

FRIENDSHIP.

   We've been friends since we were kids and confidants in all sorts of matters over the years. Honestly, he has helped lift some of the heaviest stones off of my chest. I know all about his gloomy past and self-deprecating actions. At times, I've felt like a shitty helpless friend. About a month ago, he wrote me one of the most compelling and passionate confessions. He felt as is if he's been living a lie. It was about his guilt for the past, remorse for the present, his fear for the future and his love for everyone involved. He wants life to be better and admitted he did not know where to start. Though he didn't see it, this open self-awareness has become the foundation for setting his goal.
  Change like this does not happen over night. Fully adapting to a new perspective takes its time and old habits die HARD. We've had some extremely moving and positive conversations since then, but last week he found himself hanging out in the darkness again. The booze, cocaine, depression and anxiety rolled through like a freight train. He wrote me a letter second guessing his new direction, feeling guilty about even trying to change. His brutal honesty filled my heart.
  Like me, all of his emotions are fueled with passion. We both have an obsession with music, humor and people's drive to be creative. I made sure to relay that in my response and I reminded him that I would never love him any less for being himself. Then I joked about him calling me a "hippy", sent him a link to a song and asked him to listen. I told him to listen to it a million times, if that's what it took to get the lyrics to sink into his heart. I myself didn't have the words, but I refused to leave him hanging. This song describes such a willingness to seek the life you want. Have a listen..

   We all have a choice to hold onto what makes us strong and let go of what makes us weak. We need to learn from our experiences and let go of the past. This is my friend's daily battle and he has to be the warrior that overcomes it. And I will always fight my own battles right along side of him, as a reminder that he's not alone. Brothers-in-arms fighting the good fight; both on a search for our honest selves. The more truth we reveal, the better men we become.
   This morning the music revealed to him an absolute truth - WE ARE VERY LUCKY - to have lived through what could have easily killed us. WE ARE VERY LUCKY - for the love from our families. WE ARE VERY LUCKY - for knowing we want to change for the better. WE ARE VERY LUCKY - for caring about and sharing the things that mean the most. WE ARE VERY LUCKY - that it makes us smile to make someone else smile. WE ARE VERY LUCKY - to have a friendship like this, regardless of our demons.

WE ARE VERY LUCKY FOR TODAY!!

Scotty J ~ "It doesn't take a whole day to recognize sunshine." - Common

Listen to "The Fast Life" by Asher Roth here!!