Mutual Weirdness

For those of you that don't know me personally, I'm madly in love with a woman named Jessica. Aside from how much we laughed, her hazel-green eyes hypnotized me the first time we met. They seemed to sparkle and change shades every time she smiled, it made my heart race. I'm not exactly sure if she caught me staring at her that night, but I tried like hell to keep it chill around her, uninterested even. I didn't want to be overcome by the nearly uncontrollable notions I was feeling for her. It wasn't infatuation. It wasn't love-at-first-sight. I knew it was much much bigger.

That night, I had a forty-five minute drive home and spent it chatting on the phone with a different girl I had gone on a few dates with at the time. She drunkenly talked about herself and eventually stopped making sense altogether. It didn't matter anyway, I wasn't paying attention. I still couldn't get over the feeling from meeting this beautiful green-eyed woman from earlier in the night. A feeling that's only grown since then too.

Jessica and I started seeing each other just a couple of weeks later and I'm not even sure how. My beard was the bushiest it had ever been, absorbing everything it had come close to like a sea sponge - it literally reeked of buffalo chicken dip and campfire. However I wasn't embarrassed by that and she certainly wasn't deterred. It wasn't long after that we realized our favorite view is the one we share together. Since then it hasn't mattered where our adventure has taken us, as long as we experience life together.

For the record, my beard actually did smell like that and I know that sounds weird, but I've learned that true love exposes every part of who we are. It conquers fears, energizes the spirit and feels like flying. Simply put, there is just no hiding from it. True love occurs when two people take off their "cool" with a willing vulnerability and let their naked hearts beat in unison. They never hide from themselves nor each other. I really believe Dr. Seuss said it best...

I knew nothing about love before meeting Jessica. I had only experienced lust, loneliness and lies. All of my prior relationships were just novelties lining my shelves like trophies for confusion and heartbreak. I'm not even mad about it though. All of those mistakes of the past were really quite the contrary (and Jessica's too.). They were exactly what lead us to one another and I wouldn't dare change that for the universe.

She fits perfectly into my big bear-hugging arms, as if we were a two-piece puzzle made to only fit with each other. In fact, she even calls me Bear. Every time we touch, it feels like we melt into one another. Honestly, it's the most selfless and giving feeling in the world. Like me, she loves children's books and the other little things life has to offer - like basking in the sunshine, the waves on Lake Michigan, aromatic candles and fresh cut flowers. From a friendly tennis match to a long walk through a vineyard with a kiss under a shade tree to a night of making dinner with old and new friends - every single day is an adventure worth every moment of our time.

We even share a journal to write each other uplifting notes and reminisce about our inside jokes from each little moment we've had together. I gave it to her for coming to spend my birthday with me, eating pizza and drinking wine on a sunset boat cruise. In my first entry I confessed my heart and told her I loved her. I knew it was fast, but at thirty-one years old I knew even better that life was too damn short. In one of my favorite entries from her she copied a poem by R.M. Drake that read...

We are magic.
We are moments.
We are dreams and we are memories.
We are everything.
And in the depths we swim deeper
to discover that we are not born whole
so we cannot be broken.
We are born in twos, and
we are searching, searching for
the other piece,
that other person to guide us home.

  
A year ago at this time I had nearly severed ties from everything I knew and took off for an unknown destination. I had thought that maybe true love wasn't for me this lifetime, but I never stopped believing in it. I don't know why, I just couldn't. What I didn't understand then became perfectly transparent the day I read that poem. See, she too had gone through some heavy-hearted changes at the same time. It really felt like braving the darkest storm on this sea of life. Apparently though it was just the wind catching our sails, steadily pushing us "home".

They say... home is where the heart is. Well I don't know who "they" are, but they couldn't have been more right. Though the future is unknown and life is full of surprises, being with her is the happiest I've ever been. Something tells me if you asked her, she'd tell you the exact same thing. True love isn't something we bellow from a mountain top, it's the strength and motivation behind our climb up the mountain. Love defines us, never stop believing in it.

Scotty J ~ "No matter how inexperienced nor how broken, the heart knows best."

I love you Jes!!

Mid-Winter Break - A Rather Forward Reminder

 Needless to say, we've had a harsh winter in West Michigan this year. School closings, canceled events, tragedy-causing road conditions and sub-zero temperatures have been affecting regular everyday life as we know it. My Facebook feed has never been uglier with negative comments about our beautiful home. Let's try to get past that, my friends, and take a look at the bigger picture.

Embrace it, don't hate it!

   I drove a plow truck for a handful of years; claiming that I hated the snow and loved getting it out of peoples' way. Today when I look back on my snow-plowing years... I realize that it wasn't "hate" for the snow that kept me out there, but the adventure Mother Nature had waiting for me. I braved countless storms, helped stranded motorists and cleared a path for the "worker-bees" of my community. Ahhhhhhhh... what a refreshing and grand perspective. The winter of 2014 (alone) has offered an array of valuable life-lessons for me to not even dare continue hating something of which I have no control. 

   Mother Nature has done an incredible job of breaking up the monotony of our daily lives this winter. She proved that, no matter how much we try to defy her, SHE is in charge. She does not care about what time we have to be at our cubicles, when our next deadline is coming or catching flak from someone generically named "Management". Simply put, none of those things are natural. All we do when we complain about these things is prove that humans are capable of being much colder than the weather itself. We deserve to get snowed-in, we deserve an occasional leak in the roof and we deserve feeling helpless about it all. Many of us are desensitized from a true connection with the outside world. The fantasy that we are above all other things on this planet has been shattered by Mother Nature this winter... and it's fucking gorgeous.

"I hope you take the road less traveled and I hope you find the courage to grow." - Rebelution

   Last week I made a Facebook post that asked, "If you could take Mother Nature on a date, what would the two of you do?". The replies were adventurous, loving, honest, humorous, sexual, violent and some even sought forgiveness. I'd say the reply that made me smile the most was, "I would snow plow through her pillowy mounds and then travel south to hit golf clubs off of her well manicured fairway.", because who doesn't love a good sexual innuendo??

   If it were me, I would grab her by the hand and thank her for The Great Lakes. Together we would forage the land for the freshest bounty, head to the beach and prepare it over an open fire. She would teach me about Earth's mortality and I would write her a poem. We would spend the rest of the night laying in the sand, counting the shimmering stars overhead and letting our dreams dance together. When the early morning sun breaks over the horizon; I would gently touch her face and kiss her with passion. Our actions would speak louder than words and at that moment... I would be one with Mother Nature. Intimate, I know.

   Intimacy is a close, familiar, affectionate personal relationship. We owe that to Mother Nature - every moment of everyday. In actuality, her heart revolves around the sun and her spirit is moved by the moon. We can see it in the tides, taste it in our gardens and feel it in the air. Instead, we're too busy blaming her for our misfortunes. This is all due to a lack of intimacy with the outdoors. She doesn't blame us for being human, come on now!!

   Every season has pros and cons, but if we focus on the latter we are only conning ourselves. Here is my response to all of those shitty Facebook posts... Teachers - enough of being bitter about having to work into your summer. Be grateful that your students and co-workers are safe and sound on snow days. Snow Removal Specialists - you signed up for this, accept the glory of winter. Road Ragers - you deserve to be in the ditch. Think about the safety of your friends and family before you ride our asses and cause legitimate danger. Fake Winter Enthusiasts - you waste our lives twice by saying (in the late fall) you can't wait to hit the slopes, but when the snow actually comes you say you're "over-it". Let me be the first to correct you assholes... you're "under-it" and you probably always will be too.

   It has taken me twenty West Michigan winters to finally gain this perspective. The snow was always a love-hate relationship over those years. Now, I know in my heart that I love it here and to "hate" over being inconvenienced by something, is a waste of life. Those of you who really can't stand dealing with the snow, move. You can do it, I believe in you. I would think that's much easier than spreading hate for a few months out of the year anyway. 

   Mother Nature challenges us everyday to be better human-beings and that's because she is the boss. Every time we complain about her, we fail this challenge, we fail our fellow humans and we fail ourselves. Love her, respect her, praise her and only expect her to be unpredictable. Everything we know is because of her. She makes life, in itself, possible. One last thing... Shout-out to all of those true Winter Warriors carrying the torch out there. Your passion lights the way for the rest of us, thank you so much for leading by example!

That's a Winter Wrecking Crew right there!

Scotty J ~

"If I really wanted to stick my dick in Mother Nature, it's simple. I'd just take off my pants and walk outside."

Frozen or thawed, Lake Michigan always makes me smile. (PHOTO CREDIT: Clark Jansen - Holland, MI)