Sunday, January 27, 2013

It Begins Here. Loss and the Love We Find

     My plan was to start this by daring you to express yourself. Look deep within yourself and hold nothing back. After writing these last 2 sentences, I realized that's really more of a reminder than a dare. The point of Brass-Knuckle Love Butter is for ME to express MYSELF.....soooooo what the fuck?? Here it goes.

      It's bizarre how "life events" effect us from our thoughts all the way to our relationships. A friend of mine lost his mother last week. Every time we spoke during her short struggle, we agreed that there were very little words for the situation. We both understood that this was the most difficult moment in his life and we both felt helpless. However, as I've been reflecting on this unfortunate event...the silver lining has begun to reveal itself.
      The truth is, there are a lot of words for this situation. I mean, we all agree this whole deal absolutely sucks. That's a given. What I'm referring to though is the actions we all take when things like this happen. When we first spoke about her condition, my heart grew stronger. The petty things in my personal life were instantly washed away. As news traveled, old friendships were rekindled. We all spoke to each other from the heart. We shared the same concern for our friend and ourselves. We didn't know how it felt to be our friend, but we knew he'd be there for any of us.
       Two of us made it to the hospital the night before she passed. Honestly, we had gone to meet our friend in the cafeteria to provide him with some relief and show our support. He had us come up to her room for a few minutes while we waited for a couple of other guys to make it to the hospital.
       As we quietly sat together in her room, we reflected on the great memories from the past. She laid there in our company unable to communicate with us, but fully capable of hearing every word we shared with one another. I like to think it brought her comfort to know that her son's friends had all come together for him. We could never replace the unconditional love she had provided through all of his years, but we did have something nearly as special. True friendship. The blood running through our veins is not the same, but we ARE family to each other. You know what I'm talking about? If not, I hope you get to experience it in your future.
      Friendships are meant to be tested. I believe that friendships don't end, but sometimes lie dormant. A friendship can go into hibernation for various reasons. Usually the case for that is simple, our personal lives take us down different paths. These differences can make it tough to communicate and express ourselves to our friend. If we accept that as the situation, and don't get clouded with ill feelings due to the change, it will make reconnecting in the future a genuinely positive experience.
      My dear friend will physically never get to see his mother again. He won't be able to directly ask her for advice or eat her home-cookin'. She was a woman who shared an incredible amount of moral support in his life. Personally, I'd be scared shitless. I know that it may take time, but her spirit will begin to fill his actions. He will be there 10-fold for others as she was for him. He will be all of the great things she was with every breath he takes. He will begin to see it in himself and feel stronger than ever because of it.
      None of us are ever the same after losing a loved one. Things don't go back to "being normal". In life there are 2 things that remain consistent: change and death. Both of these occurrences are inevitable. We all don't accept them immediately, but eventually we must learn from them. If we don't, our perception of life will remain dismal. We have to take a few steps to the left sometimes and get a better view. Trust, no matter how long it's been since you've caught up with a friend, that your friendship is still very alive and valid. Keep your friends in your heart. When we're lost in life, we can find them there and continue to grow.

Scotty J. -peace, stay funky, believe in yourself, life's a journey, use your heart