Friday, August 23, 2013

Is There Anymore Room for Me.. In Those Jeans?

   Have you ever had one of those moments where you've made somewhat of a regretful discovery? You know what I mean... like walking in on someone going to the bathroom, seeing your buddy's girl out with another guy, or sharting yourself. It's nothing catastrophic, but it makes you uncomfortable nonetheless. I had a brief moment of this earlier in the week. It happened when I was pawing through the glove box in my folks' car and I came across this eloquently titled compilation of music:
   That's right... "Get UR Dick Wett". I'm assuming the extra "t" on the word "Wett" implies an overly abundant amount of moisture. Either way, I was a touch mortified at first. 
   Upon reading this title, a very regretful mental image came to mind. I know we all don't really want to think about our parents like that, but due to the creatively graphic name of the album.. I was caught off-guard. After a moment, I took a deep breath and loaded it into the stereo. I don't know what prompted me to do that, I'd guess my love of music is responsible for making that decision. I had to know if it was an album worthy of its moniker.
   This was a soulful mix. Romantically charged with the sounds of D'Angelo, The Roots, Ginuwine, OutKast and The Temptations. I'm talking about some serious "baby-making" music. A couple of candles and a bottle of wine was all it needed. Forget dinner, you'll be busy "Surfin' and Turfin" your woman all night to these tunes. Listening to the CD in its entirety actually made for a grand experience.   As much as we don't want to think about old people "doin' it"; when I get older I still want to be knockin' boots. I'm sure you do too.
   Lovemaking, taggin' or just boring (and literal) ol' sexual intercourse. No matter what you call it, it makes us feel incredibly human. It's hot, passionate, a little dirty ( or a lot... if you're lucky), natural and gratifying beyond words. These notions shared with someone else at the very same moment make life so real on a whole different level. I'm pretty sure it's the original inspiration for "teamwork". Maybe the best way to describe it is, "Sex - naughty and necessary.".
   After listening to this mix one more time, it dawned on me that a roommate of mine had actually made it. We were only 19 years old and I'm sure just about anything would've helped our game back then (except for that blatant title, maybe.). Who knows how long it's been in my parents' possession, but clearly they didn't find a need to get rid of it. Hopefully, they enjoyed the music and maybe felt a little inspired by it all. 
   We all deserve to enjoy someone on this level. There is always a time between two people where words do not suffice, so let the music play. Go ahead, put in your best "Get UR Dick Wett" mixtape. Listen and relax. Let your guard down, forget the drama and just be as physically human as possible. Make love today, define love tomorrow.

-Scotty J-  "If you don't like sweets, eat something salty."

Wednesday, August 14, 2013


   For the last couple of months I've had the joy of bunking with Bailey. She's my yellow Labrador. I got her for the holidays during my junior year of high school. She's just shy of 14 years old now. That's damn near ancient in dog years. Her sight isn't what it used to be and her breathing is rough. Yet, she still wakes up every morning happily wagging her tail with a smile on her face.
   She's always been with my folks for all of these years. Her days have been spent eating fancy cheeses and dry aged meats with Mom and Dad. Living the high life, traveling back and forth between their townhouse and the cottage. It's safe to say, she could make a spoiled dog jealous.
   A dog's companionship is insurmountable, even to the heartbreak we face at the end of their short life. They say a dog is the only animal that loves you more than it loves itself. In my experience, this couldn't be more true. Dogs want to please and be shown affection. They want to be a part of your "everyday" and are always sad to see you leave the house (I always tell Bailey, "Don't worry, I'll be back in just a little bit," and then she'll lay her head down. Showing her disapproval of my departure without her company.). I'm sure you know what I mean.
   A dog's sense of adventure is what I think is its most admirable quality. Every moment of everyday is an adventure, no matter how strict of a routine. Just the daily rounds of incessantly sniffing the yard and marking their territory never loses its excitement. They make us proud for being so dedicated to our homes. Some dogs are so adventurous they even eat their own poop. It's completely gross and they're aware of how taboo it is for us humans to witness (Bailey does this too. She always trots away with her tail between her legs, but licks her chops so proudly at the same time. BAD BAILEY!!). Really though, think about it. A dog's life is so awesome, she will happily and willingly eat her own poop when she has plenty of other options on which to snack.
   I hate admitting this, but Bailey's days are numbered. She can hardly breathe when she's overly excited and her stiff hips make it difficult to stay mobile for too long. The cottage is the perfect place for her to live out her days. These last couple of months, for me, would have been much more difficult if my parents had not left her to keep an eye on me. Her and I have gone fishing, moonlit booze cruising, watered the flowers and occasionally shuffled over to the neighbors just to say "hey". We both wake ourselves up when we snore and we love eating a midnight snack. This morning we split a New York strip at breakfast (I know what you're thinking... "Spoiled Bitch".). I'm going to miss my buddy when she's gone and I'm grateful for all of the time we've spent together this summer.
   Dog is man's best friend. Bailey is most definitely mine. Earlier, I wrote about a dog's sense of adventure being its most admirable quality. Well, now that I think about it; their ability to make humans happy is most admirable. All of our secrets are safe with our dog, food dropped never goes to waste, and we dream freely knowing our dog is here to protect us from "the things that go 'bump' in the night".
   Bailey and I would love it, if you would do us a favor when you get home to your pooch today. Throw a couple chunks of cheese in their supper from us and thank them for always being there through the good and the bad. If there's one animal that deserves to live forever, it's our pups. Bow-wow-wow-yippee-yo-yippee-yay!

Scotty J. & Bailey ~ We'd both do just about anything for some damn good cheese.