Mutual Weirdness

For those of you that don't know me personally, I'm madly in love with a woman named Jessica. Aside from how much we laughed, her hazel-green eyes hypnotized me the first time we met. They seemed to sparkle and change shades every time she smiled, it made my heart race. I'm not exactly sure if she caught me staring at her that night, but I tried like hell to keep it chill around her, uninterested even. I didn't want to be overcome by the nearly uncontrollable notions I was feeling for her. It wasn't infatuation. It wasn't love-at-first-sight. I knew it was much much bigger.

That night, I had a forty-five minute drive home and spent it chatting on the phone with a different girl I had gone on a few dates with at the time. She drunkenly talked about herself and eventually stopped making sense altogether. It didn't matter anyway, I wasn't paying attention. I still couldn't get over the feeling from meeting this beautiful green-eyed woman from earlier in the night. A feeling that's only grown since then too.

Jessica and I started seeing each other just a couple of weeks later and I'm not even sure how. My beard was the bushiest it had ever been, absorbing everything it had come close to like a sea sponge - it literally reeked of buffalo chicken dip and campfire. However I wasn't embarrassed by that and she certainly wasn't deterred. It wasn't long after that we realized our favorite view is the one we share together. Since then it hasn't mattered where our adventure has taken us, as long as we experience life together.

For the record, my beard actually did smell like that and I know that sounds weird, but I've learned that true love exposes every part of who we are. It conquers fears, energizes the spirit and feels like flying. Simply put, there is just no hiding from it. True love occurs when two people take off their "cool" with a willing vulnerability and let their naked hearts beat in unison. They never hide from themselves nor each other. I really believe Dr. Seuss said it best...

I knew nothing about love before meeting Jessica. I had only experienced lust, loneliness and lies. All of my prior relationships were just novelties lining my shelves like trophies for confusion and heartbreak. I'm not even mad about it though. All of those mistakes of the past were really quite the contrary (and Jessica's too.). They were exactly what lead us to one another and I wouldn't dare change that for the universe.

She fits perfectly into my big bear-hugging arms, as if we were a two-piece puzzle made to only fit with each other. In fact, she even calls me Bear. Every time we touch, it feels like we melt into one another. Honestly, it's the most selfless and giving feeling in the world. Like me, she loves children's books and the other little things life has to offer - like basking in the sunshine, the waves on Lake Michigan, aromatic candles and fresh cut flowers. From a friendly tennis match to a long walk through a vineyard with a kiss under a shade tree to a night of making dinner with old and new friends - every single day is an adventure worth every moment of our time.

We even share a journal to write each other uplifting notes and reminisce about our inside jokes from each little moment we've had together. I gave it to her for coming to spend my birthday with me, eating pizza and drinking wine on a sunset boat cruise. In my first entry I confessed my heart and told her I loved her. I knew it was fast, but at thirty-one years old I knew even better that life was too damn short. In one of my favorite entries from her she copied a poem by R.M. Drake that read...

We are magic.
We are moments.
We are dreams and we are memories.
We are everything.
And in the depths we swim deeper
to discover that we are not born whole
so we cannot be broken.
We are born in twos, and
we are searching, searching for
the other piece,
that other person to guide us home.

  
A year ago at this time I had nearly severed ties from everything I knew and took off for an unknown destination. I had thought that maybe true love wasn't for me this lifetime, but I never stopped believing in it. I don't know why, I just couldn't. What I didn't understand then became perfectly transparent the day I read that poem. See, she too had gone through some heavy-hearted changes at the same time. It really felt like braving the darkest storm on this sea of life. Apparently though it was just the wind catching our sails, steadily pushing us "home".

They say... home is where the heart is. Well I don't know who "they" are, but they couldn't have been more right. Though the future is unknown and life is full of surprises, being with her is the happiest I've ever been. Something tells me if you asked her, she'd tell you the exact same thing. True love isn't something we bellow from a mountain top, it's the strength and motivation behind our climb up the mountain. Love defines us, never stop believing in it.

Scotty J ~ "No matter how inexperienced nor how broken, the heart knows best."

I love you Jes!!

Days To Come

I have been noticing a lot of divorces and break-ups lately. These tend to be rough moments in our lives when we do silly things like make cryptic Facebook posts, have pity parties for ourselves and talk out of our asses way more than normal. Love is a tricky emotion because when it fails, it's counterpart is hate. It's hard to let go of something that had us emotionally invested, we carry-on with the hate when the love is gone. In most cases we feel like we lived for this person and without them, we are nobody. Our lack of identity leaves us feeling empty, hollow and lost. I know...I know... break-ups fucking suck, so here's a little unsolicited advice from a fellow survivor...

Don't hate them for this.

Live through it, to the best of your abilities. Be wounded and vulnerable. Try your very best to not project these emotions, but rather experience them. Learn and let your soul grow. It's not about recovering the person you once were, but living as the person you are today. I assure you it's not selfish to focus on yourself, especially at a time when you need it most. Explore the darkness.
Leave your pride in the burning wreckage of your relationship and be humbled. The world will always be yours even when you're not sharing it with someone else. Admire the little things, always. A perfect cup of coffee, a flourishing herb garden, the sound of rain on a tin roof, the aroma of fresh-baked banana bread, puppies, hugs, sunsets, good music and holding the door open for a stranger are among the countless "little things" that truly deserve your attention.
You must embrace your lows as much as you celebrate your highs. These positive and negative experiences are the foundation to how you relate to other human beings. Minimize your social life during the low moments because the energy you transfer to friends and loved ones will eventually become toxic. Forgive yourself for detaching and know that it's for the sake of preservation. Genuine friends will understand this much better (rather than dumb drunken tirades about your ex-lover...), trust me.
In fact, getting drunk while emotionally bottomed-out is extremely counterproductive. There is no sense in feeling depressed and attempting to drown it with a depressant. This can easily push good people out of your life, but for some reason the booze won't let you see that. You actually have the drunken nerve to resent them for keeping their distance. Find a way to appreciate the space they've given you to explore yourself. Remember, nobody else can make you feel better more than yourself!!
If you focus only on the fact that your pride is broken, your heart will never heal. Don't worry about what you did or didn't deserve in your last relationship, it's over. One of the greatest feelings in the world is falling in love. You haven't realized it yet, but you get this fucking amazing opportunity to feel those highs again. Maybe with someone who feels them the same way you do (even if they aren't the person you're going to grow with for the rest of your life.). Let the love you share teach you about yourself, fulfill your life and shine the light on your destiny.

Love unfiltered.

 
One thing is for certain, the love we share is the best part of who we all are.

Scotty J ~ Spread the Love Butter!!
                                                                                                                                                                   

Passionate Cave-man Seeks Dancing Cave-woman

   There is something really special about waking up with a smile, getting stoned while a fresh pot of coffee brews and cranking up the music loud enough for the birds to enjoy. This usually encourages me to sing at the top of my lungs (occasionally free-styling) and move wildly about the cottage (otherwise known as dancing). Honestly... I do this with every ounce of passion in my body. I consider things like this "strength-building" for my soul.

   I don't want to get into a debate about smoking weed, having too much caffeine or not being able to turn up the music, so others can sleep. I'm saying do whatever it is that lets you let it all hang out there. Humans have been beating on drums and dancing naked around fires probably ever since we started walking upright. When we hear a song we love, we feel it in our bones. Everything we know about the modern world just vanishes and the music plays right through us, literally. Yes, even "twerkin'" counts.
   It was nice to wake up this way because I've been fighting a strange emptiness this week. Life is definitely good, but this has been a different kind of primal feeling. I yearn for the company of a lover. A feminine touch, if you will. Where our physical connection would cast us off to our dreams every night and jump-start our human confidence every morning. I mean this in the most unselfish way possible; she has to want it for those very same reasons. We don't have to start a family or save a million dollars, we just have to make love. As our lives unfold, our love will be there to iron out the creases.
   My belief is that if two people share the primary goal to start and finish everyday making love to each other; they will not fail in life. The laws of attraction still apply, but their commitment to primitively expressing themselves has no allowance for modern-day complications. All other things become second to the passion they share together.

I gave her that bone (yeah, I said it.).

   I know there are a lot of you out there thinking, "What?!? It's not really that simple. Scotty has his head up way up his ass... again!", and that's okay!! You don't have to dance or have sex with me, we can still be friends. However, I do believe there are other people out there that share this visceral outlook on survival. Being human comes before a nationality, an occupation or an affiliation of any kind. We're prehistoric DAMNIT!! That means we knew how to live before we knew ANYTHING!!!
   The primitive passions rooted in music and sex are inside all of us. It's just naturally a part of the human existence. I appreciate those examples others have set out there for me to believe in this. Sometimes we settle on comfort and not passion to guide us through life (which I'm definitely guilty of in my past and I know some of you are too!), but we don't have to remain that way. Life will always have the most reward if we stay true to ourselves about how we see fit to live it.
   So, in the meantime... the birds and I are just going to keep on moving to the music, strengthening our souls. The woman of my future is out there just beyond the horizon, doing a dance of her own. When the two of us eventually meet, our passions will intertwine and we'll only do what comes natural. We'll settle for nothing less!! So all of you reading, please do me this favor... put on this fifteen minute long song, stop thinking too much and dance like nobody's watching...

Scotty J. ~ "Something about the music, it got into my pants."

My kind of woman.

A View from a Half-Jew's Shoes

   This morning I read, 30 Of The Most Powerful Images Ever (linked at the bottom of the page). The photos captured the best and worst of the human-condition; all from different places and times. As difficult as it was, I pictured myself in each individual image. Though all of them were extremely powerful, a couple in particular drummed up some incredible personal emotions and insight. The capacity of vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts and experiences of another person is called empathy. The phrase, "..putting yourself in someone else's shoes..", is a figurative expression perfectly explaining it. That being said, I don't want you to understand my post today... I want you to FEEL it.

   I am half-Jewish and damn proud of it. There has always been an ongoing debate about the differences of Jewish ethnicity and religion. This is arguable on so many levels, it's not even funny. Well maybe a little bit because most of the Jews I know, have a great sense of humor. Regardless, it's my heritage and I love it. I have in the past and will always stick up for the Jewish people in this world. Now let me show you one of the pictures that moved me, from the article I mentioned.

This is the inside of a gas chamber at Auschwitz (Nazi Concentration and Extermination Camp) - Poland

   I saw this picture and my heart stopped, my eyes welled up with tears and an anger started to burn deep in the pit of my stomach. Some of my Jewish ancestors immigrated from Poland at the beginning of the twentieth-century. Though it's inconclusive, I imagine some of them stayed right there. If you can't tell what those lines are on the wall; they're fingernail scratches. They signify the final desperate actions of people fighting for just one more breath. As I stared at this photo, I started to think that some of those death marks on the wall could easily be from my own relatives' hands. Then I imagined myself clawing at the concrete, wearing my bloody fingertips down to the bone and praying for a miracle... suddenly I flashed back to sitting here in front of my computer, overwhelmed with helplessness.

BEAR JEW (photo not from mentioned article)

   If I were presented with the opportunity to fight in that war; I would have done indescribably horrific things to the opposition. Let me put it like this, anyone that has watched the movie Inglorious Basterds remembers the "Bear Jew", right? What you saw him do in that movie, would've been just the tip of the iceberg for me. I would have been legendarily more cruel than Hitler himself. It's strange that we justify punishing cruelty with more cruelty; and of course we base that on the phrase, "Well HE started it!". This is one of those things where my empathy is getting the best of me and I am beyond grateful that none of this was my calling in life.

   Sorry about that everyone. That was rather revealing, but as you all can tell it's a sensitive subject for me. In my past, I have literally been in fist-fights over my heritage. I don't go in search of these situations, but on a few rare occasions it has come to that. Most people are just being ignorant when they say something offensive; a few gentle words about their offensiveness and that brings them back to an embarrassing reality. However, some people take embarrassment as the ultimate insult and others are literally just full of hate. It's schmucks like this that are hard to walk away from because they will usually try to punch you in the back of the head. This is where the term "Jew 'em down" isn't about money to me, but about a Jew knocking you down on the ground. Plain and simple, it's just ridiculous.

These are the graves of a Catholic woman and her Protestant husband in Holland circa 1888

   The picture above, to me, represents a very true form of love. They did not live by the status quo and they even found a way to stay with one another for eternity. When I saw this in the article, it immediately made me think of my failed relationships of the past. Those iconic hands holding one another made mine feel rather empty. Twice in my life, I have had a girlfriend's parent share with them their discomfort about me being Jewish. Which in turn creates a whole new set of challenges that I have never been able to overcome. The first time it happened, I chalked it up to being young. When it happened in my last relationship, I did my best to navigate through it. We never fully came back from that. My girlfriend even had the nerve to say, "I want my parents to like you.", but what was that supposed to take, going back in a time machine to prevent my Jewishness? You would think the people of the 21st century could let those things go, but I digress. In all reality, these women lacked compassion and empathy almost altogether. My own parents are very much a future version of this couple in the picture and I'm certainly never going to trade in who I am for anything.    

   According to the research at Hebrew University, there is approximately 14 million Jews on the planet. Which amounts to about 0.2% of mankind! The fact that my Gentile mother fell in love, married and had two sons with my Jewish father is absolutely incredible to me. This, even after both of them suffered the pain and anguish of divorce from previous marriages. Talk about overcoming some serious adversity in this world; they are an amazingly beautiful couple. They are the first to tell you that relationships can't always be 50/50; life happens and that can bring you down sometimes. They willingly communicate and prove their love by inspiring, motivating and supporting each other in their own personal quests. Also, they always make time for an adventure together. Just the two of them. I don't use the word cute a lot, but they really are the cutest. They may never read this, but I love the example they set for the world.

This where all of my good looks come from, right here!

   Now I only used 2 out of 30 pictures from that article because they hit closest to home for me. They reminded me of who I am, where I come from and the infinite possibilities of my future. There are some photos in that article so incredible, you will literally lose your breath. They will conjure some of the most intense thoughts and emotions of your human spirit. They portray fatherhood, famine, appreciation, genocide, love, devastation, relief, commitment, compassion, happiness and tragedy (among other things.). This article was not for the faint-hearted. Personally, for me, it made my heart grow bigger. Anyone out there who does read that article and cannot put themselves in these peoples' shoes; this is what I have to say to you... 

   Those who typically lack empathy suffer from the woes of jealousy and envy. You spend your lives turning supposed loved ones into puppets for your own benefit. You are master manipulators, selfish with your emotions and have no regard for the people who move mountains for you. It's people like you that contribute to our decay. It's people like you that are responsible for a lot of the darkness we see in this world. It's people like you that force tragedies on others. It's people like you that make me glad to be me.

I'm just trying to speak up for my fellow half-Jews out there!

   Being half-Jewish may have hindered me with others at times, but has genuinely taught me about appreciating love in itself. I certainly would not be here without it. Thanks Mom and Dad! The closet anti-Semites of the world used to hurt my feelings, but now are completely laughable. They can't be themselves because they can't stand themselves, it's hilarious. No matter what anyone wants to argue with me, I hold my heritage close to my heart. The Jewish people have thrived among adversity and fought against oppression for thousands of years. We have done great things for humanity and we love to coexist in this world. Back one of us into a corner though, you better be prepared to get all 14 million of us up your ass. SHALOM!

Scotty J ~ "Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit."

Click here to read "30 Of The Most Powerful Images Ever"

Confessions, Thoughts and Observations of a 30 Year Old Man - Real Life Revelations of Scotty Jacobs

This is a compilation of my own randomness. I have said this before and I don't feel like I will ever abandon this philosophy, "Nonsense makes the most sense.". Others, have their own rigid lives. Everything is planned out and that works for them. To me, that seems very boring. Like, maybe it lacks a wholesome reward, emotionally and spiritually. My goals are less tangible and more focused on the experiences in life and the way it makes us feel. My Dad describes this as being "sensitive" and he's probably right. In a past life, I was one of "The Lost Boys". Today, my lifestyle choice would probably be diagnosed as "Peter Pan Syndrome". I don't blame Toys R Us for this occurrence (Remember? "I don't wanna grow up! I'm a Toys R Us kid..."). It's simply just me being me. I did not attempt to filter my thoughts and feelings today. I stayed true to myself, there is only raw emotion and personal beliefs. So let's go deep, take a glimpse into my soul, keep an open mind and read at your own risk...

• The thought of being skinny scares the shit out of me. My girth never limits my worth. 

• Really muscular women do not turn me on. I also hate Jillian Michaels. She is a lunatic. When she dies, she has a room reserved next to the furnace in hell. She IS the BIGGEST "Loser". 

Ruthless Bitch.

• Birthdays are my favorite holiday. Celebrate them always. 

Some of the best memories are made while celebrating someone great in our lives.

• When someone uses the term "Jew 'em down", it takes all of the energy inside of me to keep myself from ripping their lips off of their face. (Ignorance is bliss, if you like being a redneck schmuck.)

• Love is much bigger than any relationship.

• A dog really is man's best friend.

See what I mean? Actually, this might be more than friendship.

• All food items are acceptable at any meal. Any time of day, period.

There is no such thing as too much bacon.

• Mexican heritage, traditions and families have the most incredible dynamics. We should take a lesson.

• America worries about the safety and emotional well-being of its youths so much nowadays, that we will never let them grow up.
• I am going to pull a woman's hair while doing her doggy-style. I am not sorry about this.

• I love my Dad. He is one of the most amazing people I have ever known, yet I'm scared as fuck that I will end up just like him.

He is a handsome guy, it might not be so bad.

• I have always been able to rely on my fists when words could not come to my rescue.

There's a southpaw in the house, keep your guard up.

• A broken heart mends faster than shattered pride.

• Being scandalous is not for me. In fact, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. 

• When dogs squat to poop, they remind me of a kangaroo.

Striking resemblance!

• Bruce Lee made more of an impact on this world in his short 32 years than most men could make in a thousand lifetimes.

There is so much more! He was truly remarkable.

• Listen to R. Kelly, feel sexy and don't be afraid to get a little freaky from time to time.

"I don't see nothin' wroooong, with a little bit of bump 'n' griiiiiind.."

• I hate how much "work out clothes" cost. I mean...what the fuck? They're no different than pajamas, don't pay for that shit. It's not a fashion contest. (This has to be Jillian's doing...damn it.)

• Some people make excuses and point fingers. Others seek therapy. I smoke weed, take long walks and go fishing.

If you don't like this one, you can kiss my bass!

• Religious recruitment is a no no. Seriously. 

• Shaquille O'Neal is a tremendous role model. Just look at his life since he's been in the spotlight. Rick Reilly wrote about it in the year 2000 and his words still ring true.

(Click here to read "The Appeal of O'Neal" by Rick Reilly)

• The best hangover cure: Grab a shovel and keep digging a hole 'til the hangover is gone. Then, go eat a bacon cheeseburger. (You're welcome for this one.)

• Being drunk is no excuse for: having a shitty attitude, leading someone on, being brutally honest, cheating on a lover, picking a fight or sharing careless words. When the booze wears off, be responsible for your actions.

• Funerals make me cry. Not only from feeling a loss personally, but especially when I watch the people closest to the Departed.

I love your strength and never ending support, James. You're my brother...always.

• One of the most amazing transformations I have ever witnessed is a man becoming a father. Something I have yet to personally experience. Truly powerful.

Super Dad Status.

• Ignoring a woman pushes her right off the edge of sanity. 

• Mayonnaise. That's right.

• I have earned a fortune in friendships just by being myself. However, sometimes I am careless with this wealth. My best intentions aren't always good enough and that leaves me uneasy at times.

Nothing, but trouble.

• Everything worth while has a cost. Financial, physical and/or emotional. Never fear the expense.

• It makes my day to compliment a stranger. Hopefully it makes their day too.

• Football is a sport that I love and the media is fucking that up for me.

• True happiness can only be found within ourselves. It is not achieved by running errands and crossing things off of a checklist. Though doing so is satisfying, it really is moot in the grand scheme of life. 

• Did I mention mayonnaise? Let me be more specific, Hellman's Mayonnaise.

Brings out the best!

• Creative Expression. Aside from a random act of kindness, is the most admirable thing a human can do. Not only for themselves, but for those lucky enough to experience it.

It can happen anywhere, at any moment.

• In high school, I briefly dated a young woman my senior year. She still (to this day) makes me laugh, think and feel like only a handful of people in my life can do. I am grateful for her friendship. No matter the distance I will always have her back, regardless of the circumstances.

I promise she's classier than this when I'm not around her, but not by much...

• Heart and Soul will always have an upper hand to the Brain. To feel something is much greater than understanding it. An I.Q. is really just a number.

• I write "Believe in Yourself" on post-it notes and stick them in places where I can't miss them.

Perfect reminder.

• I have been provoked to the point where I have said a lot of nasty things to someone important in my life. Someone I loved very much. The next day, I felt awful. Alcohol poisoning would have been a walk in the park compared to this emotional hangover. Know yourself and don't let anyone else's actions make you forget who you are as a person.

This is EXACTLY what that feels like.

• I love the word "fuck" in all of its possible variations.

• The best time to awaken is just before dawn. I step outside to be in the moment when the sun is rising and the moon is setting. it is beyond euphoric. There is this genuine sense of hope and clarity. It feels like all of the world's problems could be solved in that very moment.

Good morning.

• I like hash browns, hashish, hashing out details and corned beef hash. I hate hash-tag, it's called a fucking "number sign". Thanks for ruining it Twitter...jerks. (I know it's here to stay. I am just having a rough time embracing this one.)

• A woman's imperfections are quite the contrary. I love when a woman is unique and different, it's sexy as hell.
• At the same time I'll admit, I have a weakness for cinnamon skin, dark espresso hair and dangerous curves. Honestly, who doesn't?

Can I have a sip of that?

• I love the ditch diggers, baggage handlers and burger flippers of the world. You're my kind of people.

• There is nothing more rewarding for me than writing. I've been doing it for myself since I was a kid. Only recently, I have found myself sharing it with the world. My focus is not only to stay inspired and be entertaining, but to be inspirational. Dreams do come true. Tell me about yours and hold nothing back. I will encourage you, look for answers with you and be by your side to overcome any fears or doubts about pursuing them. I am willing to be a stepping stone on your path to reaching your own dreams. (Even though I still believe you can do it on your own.) 

My life is a work in progress. These statements are merely a reflection of my current inner-self. At any given time they are subject to change. Moses certainly did not come down from Mt. Sinai with these carved in stone (However, I have seen a burning bush once. Please remember to always put out your cigarettes.). On the surface, there is no rhyme or reason to all of these. I haven't traveled the world over, but I have visited the hearts of many individuals (my own included.). It's there that I've witnessed indescribable beauty, darkness and misdirection, a higher purpose, sincerity, compassion, addiction, empathy, hate, sadness, the battle of good and evil, will power, fight or flight, comfort, fear, gains, losses, selfishness, selflessness, content, happiness, the "light" and most importantly, love (and that's my short list.). All aspects of human capabilities and emotions derive from the heart. It is our life force. When it stops beating, the rest of our body shuts down and life as we know it expires. This is not morbid, it's simply the truth. Live life to the fullest!


OCEANS by John Butler kept me inspired while writing this post. I was absolutely speechless the first time I watched this video. It's an acoustical journey like no other. His ragged jeans, his old beat up guitar and his amazing talent are perfect. I found myself smiling while I watched and listened. Please, enjoy!

OCEANS - John Butler - 2012 Studio Version

Scotty J ~ "My elders said shine your light on the world. Shine your light for the world to see." - Mos Def

To Whom It May Concern

This morning I woke up thinking about my future wife. Do I already know her? Nope, and I am not jumping to any conclusions about who she actually could be either. When we reach thirty years old and become single, we tend to get jaded about relationships. For those of you that know me well... This potential woman of my future will, undoubtedly, be the most understanding woman in the world. That, or I will just have one hardcore bitch of a Labrador Retriever named "Tumbles". Regardless, here is my parting love-letter to the fictional, future "Mrs. Scott Jacobs":

Dear Love,

   I knew it was meant to be the day our eyes met. There has always been something magical about the produce section at the market. If it weren't for the eggplant you fumbled onto the ground, we may have never even noticed one another.
   We both laughed as we knocked heads, trying to snag it off of the floor before anyone else noticed. I tried to apologize, but you grabbed my wrist while looking into my eyes and beat me to it. I didn't even hesitate after that, I asked you out for coffee. You obliged.
   Once our shared hatred for $5 coffee drinks came to light, we held nothing back. Stories of our past experiences in life consumed the next couple of hours. We talked about sunsets over the lake, friends that we had lost, and the "little things" that inspired us. I wouldn't trade that conversation for the universe. We were higher on each other than any drug could have ever taken us. You invited me over for dinner. I obliged.
   We walked up to your apartment, our hands clasped together. We kissed before you could even turn the key. To question that action would have surely meant this would not last, but we never looked back. Together we made dinner, took a long walk and let our hearts meet under the moonlight. Our heartbeats amplified with a warm embrace and spoke to us both that night.
   Love has no boundaries. And, as long as we've been together, neither did we. We've reached for the stars, swam with the dolphins, panned for gold, fed the homeless, got lost in the woods and played in the rain. There was nothing in our way. As we grew older, the world had changed. However, our love had not. It grew stronger and so had our bond.
   In our twilight years, we have had nothing to confess. Except for the fact that we have had no regrets. As I reached my departing hour, you were here by my side. Your hand on my wrist and your eyes locked on mine. Remember? It's just like the first time we met. We laughed like always and saved our tears for sadness, refusing lament. That very moment our souls lit up the sky. This love of ours is eternal and we'll meet again soon. We have shared our last "I love you", but we could never say "goodbye".

We are the dream that came true.

Always and Forever,
Scott

p.s. I always loved that you kept the name "Aniston". Oh and don't forget to give Tumbles a belly rub after her walk, she's crazy about it!
 

...And We All Fall Down

   Yesterday, the person inside me died. Leaving nothing behind, but the shell of a man. My heart was infected by the loss of a woman's love, who I sought for many years. The last few months hollowed me out, I forgot who I am. I forgot how to live.
   We ceased living together months ago and during those first few, I was strong. I ignored angry, threatening and sad text messages. The kind sent with hurtful intentions. My days right then were spent in the sun at my family's cottage. I've never felt lonely in the hot sun. The heat rubbed my shoulders and warmed my heart. The light always made my soul glow. I made new acquaintances as old friendships rekindled. Everyone came to visit me. We fished, drank, sat around the fire and got stoned. It inspired me to write and I applied for school. Life was good.
   As the seasons turned, so did my attitude. I wasn't being honest to my heart. I broke down and responded to my former lover's "summer's worth" of texts with an email. I still had many feelings for her and let her know the messages she sent did not make it simple to communicate. She was my best friend and I didn't want either of us to be hurt by one another. We both let our guards down and began to text message back and forth. She made me laugh. My heart then slapped my brain and said, "Hey, are you awake up there? If you haven't noticed, we're in love. We could really use your help, man!". Unfortunately, my brain didn't take the kinds of actions my heart expected.
   I still had things at our apartment that I needed to retrieve, considering I don't live there now. My grand idea was to drive forty minutes there, fetch my stuff and hopefully get to spend some time with her. It worked out great. We decided to go out for the evening, one thing eventually led to another and we had a "sleepover". I left the next day feeling high-spirited, even though the car was full of my shit from our life together.
   Over that week, we lightly chatted and I was happy to have her back in my life. The week after was different. In an unconvincing tone, she told me that she just wanted to be friends and didn't want to carry on an intimate relationship. My heart dropped and knocked the wind out of me at that moment. Our conversation ended awkwardly and I hung up the phone.
   After a couple of days, I wrote another email. My love for her is the truest I've ever known. I could never bare witness to her in the arms of another man. A real life friendship could not exist for me with her, under those terms. I poured my heart out and hoped she would reconsider working on "Her and I" as an "Us". A few days passed, no response. I was feeling crushed. I began making plans to get the apartment we have together off of my plate completely. I sent her a text and to my surprise she responded with concern. She even apologized for not replying to my email. I had caught her off guard and she did not know what to say. We planned to meet up and talk about it. My brain had the bright idea, to throw in there, that I would grab the rest of my stuff that didn't fit in my car the last time.
   This week, I came to our apartment in the middle of the afternoon. It was nice to be "home". She had passed a test she was worried about for school that morning and we were happy to see each other. She asked me if I could explain my feelings about us only being friends together, better. It only took few words, but was difficult to spit out. I said, "If we can't work on us, I can't be your friend.". We sat on the couch and verbally disagreed, but our actions did not.
   We made love, went out to our favorite restaurant, watched movies and continued to make love the rest of the night. We had coffee early in the morning and she gave me a kiss before she left for a class she was required to attend. I told her I would stick around to fix the headlight on her car and have lunch with her. When she returned, we curled up in bed one more time before running our final errands. We both felt amazing when we left the house.
   At lunch, I finally asked her about a response to my email. She told me she didn't think she could try working on "Us", I lost my appetite. When we left the restaurant it was beautiful outside. Michigan's infamous autumn colors made it feel less chilly. We got in the car and she turned on her Pandora radio. The song that played was "First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes.
   I stared out the window and listened to the lyrics. He sang about true love. Just after a minute into the song he sings these words, "...but I know where I want to go. And so I thought I'd let you know, that these things take forever. I especially am slow, but I realize that I need you and wondered if I could come home..". I lost it right then and started to weep. All of the feelings I was experiencing were exposed with those few words. I cried like a bitch, it was not manly of me at all. She noticed quickly, placed her hand perfectly into mine, held it tight and cried right with me.

   As the song requested, I made it home. However when I got there, I ended up grabbing the rest of my shit and loaded into my car. I told her I am sorry I couldn't be her friend. I also told her if she found the will in her heart for "Us", to never be afraid to let me know. She walked down to the car with me and we passionately kissed. I drove away as she walked up the stairs back to our door, excuse me, her door.
   From there, I drove an hour to a friend's house and got drunk on whiskey. I ended up making an ass out of myself, put a strain on a great friendship and came back to the cottage. This morning I woke up, started writing and soon felt the bottom beneath my feet.
   I've finally hit it, the bottom. After a summer of free-falling, I can finally stand. The future, for now, will be only mine. I still long to share it with my lost Love, and I know that may never happen. I am going to hit the road for a little while and be the man that I long to be. I once stated, "Living is fucking cool no matter the age.". Maybe my brain was right after all and just perhaps today is the "First Day of My Life".

~Scotty J. - That really says it all, thanks Mr. Fitzgerald.


 
 

Is There Anymore Room for Me.. In Those Jeans?

   Have you ever had one of those moments where you've made somewhat of a regretful discovery? You know what I mean... like walking in on someone going to the bathroom, seeing your buddy's girl out with another guy, or sharting yourself. It's nothing catastrophic, but it makes you uncomfortable nonetheless. I had a brief moment of this earlier in the week. It happened when I was pawing through the glove box in my folks' car and I came across this eloquently titled compilation of music:

   That's right... "Get UR Dick Wett". I'm assuming the extra "t" on the word "Wett" implies an overly abundant amount of moisture. Either way, I was a touch mortified at first. 

   Upon reading this title, a very regretful mental image came to mind. I know we all don't really want to think about our parents like that, but due to the creatively graphic name of the album.. I was caught off-guard. After a moment, I took a deep breath and loaded it into the stereo. I don't know what prompted me to do that, I'd guess my love of music is responsible for making that decision. I had to know if it was an album worthy of its moniker.

   This was a soulful mix. Romantically charged with the sounds of D'Angelo, The Roots, Ginuwine, OutKast and The Temptations. I'm talking about some serious "baby-making" music. A couple of candles and a bottle of wine was all it needed. Forget dinner, you'll be busy "Surfin' and Turfin" your woman all night to these tunes. Listening to the CD in its entirety actually made for a grand experience.   As much as we don't want to think about old people "doin' it"; when I get older I still want to be knockin' boots. I'm sure you do too.

   Lovemaking, taggin' or just boring (and literal) ol' sexual intercourse. No matter what you call it, it makes us feel incredibly human. It's hot, passionate, a little dirty ( or a lot... if you're lucky), natural and gratifying beyond words. These notions shared with someone else at the very same moment make life so real on a whole different level. I'm pretty sure it's the original inspiration for "teamwork". Maybe the best way to describe it is, "Sex - naughty and necessary.".

   After listening to this mix one more time, it dawned on me that a roommate of mine had actually made it. We were only 19 years old and I'm sure just about anything would've helped our game back then (except for that blatant title, maybe.). Who knows how long it's been in my parents' possession, but clearly they didn't find a need to get rid of it. Hopefully, they enjoyed the music and maybe felt a little inspired by it all. 

   We all deserve to enjoy someone on this level. There is always a time between two people where words do not suffice, so let the music play. Go ahead, put in your best "Get UR Dick Wett" mixtape. Listen and relax. Let your guard down, forget the drama and just be as physically human as possible. Make love today, define love tomorrow.

-Scotty J-  "If you don't like sweets, eat something salty."

   

Doggy-style

   For the last couple of months I've had the joy of bunking with Bailey. She's my yellow Labrador. I got her for the holidays during my junior year of high school. She's just shy of 14 years old now. That's damn near ancient in dog years. Her sight isn't what it used to be and her breathing is rough. Yet, she still wakes up every morning happily wagging her tail with a smile on her face.

   She's always been with my folks for all of these years. Her days have been spent eating fancy cheeses and dry aged meats with Mom and Dad. Living the high life, traveling back and forth between their townhouse and the cottage. It's safe to say, she could make a spoiled dog jealous.
   A dog's companionship is insurmountable, even to the heartbreak we face at the end of their short life. They say a dog is the only animal that loves you more than it loves itself. In my experience, this couldn't be more true. Dogs want to please and be shown affection. They want to be a part of your "everyday" and are always sad to see you leave the house (I always tell Bailey, "Don't worry, I'll be back in just a little bit," and then she'll lay her head down. Showing her disapproval of my departure without her company.). I'm sure you know what I mean.
   A dog's sense of adventure is what I think is its most admirable quality. Every moment of everyday is an adventure, no matter how strict of a routine. Just the daily rounds of incessantly sniffing the yard and marking their territory never loses its excitement. They make us proud for being so dedicated to our homes. Some dogs are so adventurous they even eat their own poop. It's completely gross and they're aware of how taboo it is for us humans to witness (Bailey does this too. She always trots away with her tail between her legs, but licks her chops so proudly at the same time. BAD BAILEY!!). Really though, think about it. A dog's life is so awesome, she will happily and willingly eat her own poop when she has plenty of other options on which to snack.
   I hate admitting this, but Bailey's days are numbered. She can hardly breathe when she's overly excited and her stiff hips make it difficult to stay mobile for too long. The cottage is the perfect place for her to live out her days. These last couple of months, for me, would have been much more difficult if my parents had not left her to keep an eye on me. Her and I have gone fishing, moonlit booze cruising, watered the flowers and occasionally shuffled over to the neighbors just to say "hey". We both wake ourselves up when we snore and we love eating a midnight snack. This morning we split a New York strip at breakfast (I know what you're thinking... "Spoiled Bitch".). I'm going to miss my buddy when she's gone and I'm grateful for all of the time we've spent together this summer.
   Dog is man's best friend. Bailey is most definitely mine. Earlier, I wrote about a dog's sense of adventure being its most admirable quality. Well, now that I think about it; their ability to make humans happy is most admirable. All of our secrets are safe with our dog, food dropped never goes to waste, and we dream freely knowing our dog is here to protect us from "the things that go 'bump' in the night".
   Bailey and I would love it, if you would do us a favor when you get home to your pooch today. Throw a couple chunks of cheese in their supper from us and thank them for always being there through the good and the bad. If there's one animal that deserves to live forever, it's our pups. Bow-wow-wow-yippee-yo-yippee-yay!

Scotty J. & Bailey ~ We'd both do just about anything for some damn good cheese.

The Lake Makes Me Wet

   "The Lake". Now, what comes to mind? Swimming. Fishing. Floating. Winning. Here in Michigan, it's a way of life. The term itself holds a special place in our hearts. We use it so casually and yet it means so much to us. "The Lake" offers us endless fun and relaxation. Usually leaving us wet and refreshed with a positive outlook on our lives. 

   My most memorable experiences in life revolve around The Lake. We lived in Dallas, TX when I was in elementary school. Natural lakes were hard to come-by in those parts. My mother is from Michigan, so we made a trip to 'The Mitten' every summer. My parents, older brother and I in the car for 20 hours. Laughing, farting and jamming out to the first 2 volumes of Cruisin' Classics on cassette tape. Talk about your ultimate pre-game session (Ooohhhhhh The Jacobs!). Upon arrival, we would change into our swim-suits at record-breaking speed. We would take to the water twice as fast, blazing a path to The Lake. We didn't need the world at the palm of our hands because we had the lake at our fingertips. Simply put... It was perfect. Eventually, we relocated to Michigan.

   Once we settled into our house, fishing became a weekly event. Dad would take us to my Grandfather's place less than an hour from home. When we got there, the fish always seemed to be waiting for us right at the end of the dock. Grandfather was a retired educator, therefore The Lake was his massive classroom that he shared with us. We learned how to appreciate The Lake over those years. He taught my Dad, brother and I that the best venue for bonding was The Lake. At that point in our lives, fishing became tradition. The Lake started to become OUR way of life. 

   Nowadays my folks have a cottage out in the country on a quiet and rustic lake. I've been fortunate enough to spend the last 6 weeks living here. I've been having a blast with friends and family when they've come to visit The Lake. Hell, I've been sitting lakeside the whole time I've been writing this blog.  I'm looking forward to the rest of my summer feeling inspired here on The Lake. To this very day, one look at the water still makes me feel like a rowdy-ass 8 year old kid. My heart can't help it. The Lake is my first love and I'll never get over her. However, Her and I are open to threesomes and the occasional "group" thing because she's beautiful like that. The Lake is never a selfish lover. In fact, I've got to go. She's calling me now.... and we hope to see you soooon!

Scotty J. ~ I hope I got you with this one. Hook, line and sinker.

   

   

   

Singled Out

   There's no good feeling about initially breaking up with someone. That is, until you have a moment to reflect on the relationship. My girlfriend and I have had a few breakups throughout our time together, but have always found the means to get back together.

   She had a daughter and a cat when we first started to date. We eventually became a family and, of course, added to the excitement with a puppy. As time had gone on in our relationship, less things brought me joy. We eventually just became roommates instead of lovers. We were even incapable of agreeing on what to eat for dinner. This is when we both had to stop lying to ourselves. 

   Last week we didn't break up, we broke free. She gets to live how she wants with all of her own terms and forever changing conditions (daughter, cat and puppy included.). It won't be easy. I will miss them all, but I certainly won't miss feeling like I'm never doing anything right for them. More importantly, for myself. I can no longer walk around with a heart full of fear.

   I don't have a typical view on life. "Nonsense makes the most sense", that's just how I see things. I love fishing, art, music, things built from stone, urban exploration, fighting, cooking, eating, laughing and fucking swearing. I'm great at being silly and having a cow. Life deserves to be discovered everyday. I had completely lost sight of that. 

   One thing is for sure, I've always found it easier to capture the attention of a crowd than of an individual. Which makes me believe that I'm not necessarily cut out for the typical relationship. I love just putting "it" out there for everyone. I'm not hung up on personal discretion. (Now I do believe, when two people confide in one another, discretion is imperative. That is altogether a different situation.) I want to shower the masses with words and thoughts; laughing and making love to everyone. Hopefully someone out there will be inspired to do something great because I reached them. I'm not intending to be selfish, but I need the whole world in my life. From the terror in the Middle East to the majesty of the Great Lakes... I want you all.

   I know there's a lot of people out there that think they want to be in relationships. They suffer from long lonely nights, thinking about someone special with whom they could share their life. Well guess what... the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fucking fence. I'm glad I won't be spreading unhappiness around my house anymore. I will undoubtedly miss them, but they will have a better life without me. It's strange coming to that realization, but for the first time (in a long time) I'm looking forward to my future.

   So here's to us discovering life, making mistakes, using our hearts and finding our way. We have only a short time allowed here on this planet and we all deserve to enjoy the experience. 

-Scotty J ~ Sexy comes in all shapes and sizes, and shame on you if you don't believe it.

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

Friend-wich w/ Extra Mayo

   I received a topic request for Brass-Knuckle Love Butter the other day. A damn good buddy of mine asked me to write about myself...specifically..my personal approach on making lasting friendships. Over the years I've made a lot of great friends, or even more so, a lot of great friends made me. That last statement really says it all. Here are a few things I've learned from the great people I'm honored to call my friends:

•    Accept people for who they are. There is an easy way of going about this...people are HUMAN, just like YOU. Humans have many different tendencies. There's good and evil. There are the selfish and the selfless. We, in each other's eyes, may not be perfect. However, we are perfectly human.
•    Everyone has an admirable quality about them. It's up to us to give them the chance to reveal it. Don't allow yourself to get caught up being jealous or envious of someone. Those are deceiving feelings that have a negative effect on our outlook of them and life. Admire peoples' talents and be inspired by them.
•    You're allowed to hate someone for whatever reasons. You just have to remember you can't blame them for it. Hate comes from within ourselves. (Forgiveness does too.)
•    When doing a good deed for someone, don't expect anything in return. If you do, well then you're not the great friend you thought you were. You really just forced yourself into not appreciating your friendship. Do nice things for people because it makes YOU feel good.
•    Have an open heart with others. This doesn't mean you have to be all sappy about it. We tend to be more genuinely social when we're comfortable with whoever is listening.
•    Be open-minded to the fact that others have opinions different from your own. Love them for this. It makes for great conversation and helps you gain new perspectives on life. 
•    Do your best at being a friend. Be there for them when you can. Apologize to them when you can't. Understand we all have our own lives to live and never hold that against them.

   I'm sure there are 10 billion other things I could add to this list. None of these things just happen. We all have to work at it, all of the time. I still have my moments, as does everyone else. There is something I want to make sure to add. I never have a conversation with a friend with the expectation that we will no longer be friends afterwards. If you have a concern about a friend or yourself, share it with them. Talk as friends and make it count. We may not be here tomorrow.
   Laughter has been the best avenue for me to get to know people. When we laugh, we bond. It's the foundation of my lifestyle. I bridge my "sense of humor" to my "sense of human" and somewhere in between is where I forge friendships.

Scotty J. - i'm not wearing any underwear.
 

It Begins Here. Loss and the Love We Find

     My plan was to start this by daring you to express yourself. Look deep within yourself and hold nothing back. After writing these last 2 sentences, I realized that's really more of a reminder than a dare. The point of Brass-Knuckle Love Butter is for ME to express MYSELF.....soooooo what the fuck?? Here it goes.

      It's bizarre how "life events" effect us from our thoughts all the way to our relationships. A friend of mine lost his mother last week. Every time we spoke during her short struggle, we agreed that there were very little words for the situation. We both understood that this was the most difficult moment in his life and we both felt helpless. However, as I've been reflecting on this unfortunate event...the silver lining has begun to reveal itself.
      The truth is, there are a lot of words for this situation. I mean, we all agree this whole deal absolutely sucks. That's a given. What I'm referring to though is the actions we all take when things like this happen. When we first spoke about her condition, my heart grew stronger. The petty things in my personal life were instantly washed away. As news traveled, old friendships were rekindled. We all spoke to each other from the heart. We shared the same concern for our friend and ourselves. We didn't know how it felt to be our friend, but we knew he'd be there for any of us.
       Two of us made it to the hospital the night before she passed. Honestly, we had gone to meet our friend in the cafeteria to provide him with some relief and show our support. He had us come up to her room for a few minutes while we waited for a couple of other guys to make it to the hospital.
       As we quietly sat together in her room, we reflected on the great memories from the past. She laid there in our company unable to communicate with us, but fully capable of hearing every word we shared with one another. I like to think it brought her comfort to know that her son's friends had all come together for him. We could never replace the unconditional love she had provided through all of his years, but we did have something nearly as special. True friendship. The blood running through our veins is not the same, but we ARE family to each other. You know what I'm talking about? If not, I hope you get to experience it in your future.
      Friendships are meant to be tested. I believe that friendships don't end, but sometimes lie dormant. A friendship can go into hibernation for various reasons. Usually the case for that is simple, our personal lives take us down different paths. These differences can make it tough to communicate and express ourselves to our friend. If we accept that as the situation, and don't get clouded with ill feelings due to the change, it will make reconnecting in the future a genuinely positive experience.
      My dear friend will physically never get to see his mother again. He won't be able to directly ask her for advice or eat her home-cookin'. She was a woman who shared an incredible amount of moral support in his life. Personally, I'd be scared shitless. I know that it may take time, but her spirit will begin to fill his actions. He will be there 10-fold for others as she was for him. He will be all of the great things she was with every breath he takes. He will begin to see it in himself and feel stronger than ever because of it.
      None of us are ever the same after losing a loved one. Things don't go back to "being normal". In life there are 2 things that remain consistent: change and death. Both of these occurrences are inevitable. We all don't accept them immediately, but eventually we must learn from them. If we don't, our perception of life will remain dismal. We have to take a few steps to the left sometimes and get a better view. Trust, no matter how long it's been since you've caught up with a friend, that your friendship is still very alive and valid. Keep your friends in your heart. When we're lost in life, we can find them there and continue to grow.

Scotty J. -peace, stay funky, believe in yourself, life's a journey, use your heart